Monday, June 30, 2014


So here we are on the last day of June. How is it possible that the first month of the Summer has already gone by?

AP Scores come out in 6 days, the fourth of July is only 4 days away, and suddenly I'm feeling that awful uncertainty I get at the end of anything.

Whenever I feel a chapter of my life start to close, I always do one of two things. I either a. get incredibly freaked out and spend the majority of my time looking back at those times trying to put myself back there, or I b. totally ignore that past and put myself in the future prematurely. I have such a difficult time living in that moment, and I don't know why. I have always been like that.

So now while I feel like my time as a high school student has ended (it's finally hit me) I'm obsessively looking at the past and wishing to go back. The prospect of college is absolutely terrifying, and to be quite frank, I know I'm not ready to go yet. I so wish I could take a year off on a soul-searching journey; living in other countries and discovering what foot I want to start my adult life on.

But that idea seems so ludicrous; I've lived out the majority of my life on the predestined path that society has given me, and how am I supposed to break off of that now? 

It just seems so uncertain what my future is going to be like, and that is so absolutely terrifying. I just wish I could create my own path.


1 comment:

  1. I am living the unconventional life and let me assure you that I would rather be in your shoes. I hopscotched around schools all my life, and now instead of going off to college this fall I will be traveling and working. I feel just as insecure about my future. I do plan on attending college next year, but right now I wish I was part of the conventional world because it is scary being on the other side. There is a comfort in knowing you'll be attending college, even if it isn't readily felt (it is easy to feel like you're doing something wrong or you won't be successful in life because you do not follow the 'rules' set by society)....or I could just say that you'll never feel ready for anything, you just have to move forward.
    (I am sure you'll have a wonderful time -meet some amazing people and create some beautiful memories. I wish you the best!)