Thursday, April 9, 2015



Where do I begin—
And where do I end?
The flowers that once
Grew beneath the apple tree
Now blossom beyond my fingertips,
Extending into the reaches of natural
Lands I tread on each day.

The lines of myself blur as
I sink back into the Earth below,
Where the electric light of each
Living being flows past me,
Condensing in my chest, and expanding
Out with the influence of love,
And I fall into the limitless glow.
A pattern forms all around
Dancing with the beating of a million

Beyond expression the mind elevates
Into another plane, another view
Of Life.
Where do I begin—
And where do I end
When my lines fail to form,

And I am dispersed into the night.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Thoughts in Diffraction

I always struggle with introductions; for the longest time, I've always projected myself based on the expectations of the person(s) I'm introducing myself to. I have a difficult time writing because an inner dialogue feels implausible; without the another entity to form myself around, I lack the ability to find the correct words to say. Even though blog posts are directed at an audience, it really is an outlet of self-expression, which is difficult to do without a direct perceiver.

A lot of the culture that surrounds youth is focused on a sense of self, and finding that inner being should emanate that self beyond the constructed layers of conformity and security.

While I like the idea of using this as a means to search for yourself, I don't like the idea that it sets us up to believe that one day we have the ability to wholly reveal it and be completely fulfilled. Life experiences will always change us, and no possible method exists to counteract that. We are a summation of more than simply us. We are a summation of our past experiences, connections, love, and lost love, etc. 

I've been thinking about devotion recently. I've spent the majority of my life devoting myself to outward entities; obsessions with books and interests, boys, friends, social acceptance. Rarely do you see someone with a devotion to herself. What would change if I was devoted to myself?

Diffraction is this crazy interesting concept in physics in which is powerhouse phenomenon called light diffracts--or slightly alters its path--around any perceived obstructions. Electromagnetic radiation (aka light) is insane to think about because it's what keeps everything together. Light is energy, and we are completely dependent on it for every single aspect in our lives. And even as it's traveling at 9.8 m/s^2 as this amazing necessity, it still alters itself when dealing with a problem. Somehow this is incredibly comforting to me: knowing that even the most powerful entities cannot break through all barriers unscathed.

With love

Friday, March 6, 2015

Dorm Tour

How is everyone today?
This morning I woke up around 8 AM, filmed a YouTube video, cleaned my dorm, edited it, uploaded it, and now I'm blogging. Would you look at how productive I've been (I'm mostly procrastinating my impending homework)

I love Fridays (not only because I don't have classes), but because it's the one day of the week I always like to take for myself, and do things that make me happy. Sharing with you all makes me happy!

As well as filming I video, I took a few photographs of my dorm as well. I'm hoping to get more into photography again, as I'd like to document my experiences as much as possible, and I've been lacking on that end. 

I'm so happy to finally have my room together & to be living in such a nice space. I was so lucky in that my roommate moved out last semester, and I haven't been assigned a new one, so I have been able to move all of my belongings into the whole room, leaving me with such a large space. 

My friend Katie made this adorable banner for me way back in September, and it makes me smile every time I see it. Sugartown is my favorite song by my queen (aka Nancy Sinatra).

I'm almost sad to think that my time living in the dorm is almost over. As much as I can't wait to move into my own apartment, I'm incredibly attached to this everyday life. It's so easy, and living in my own apartment is going to be unlike anything I've ever experienced.

Then again, I had never experienced anything like college before, and I fell in love immediately.

Always looking ahead with optimistic eyes.


Monday, March 2, 2015

Style Steal: Stevie Nicks

Who's more amazing than Stevie Nicks? She's a tough act to follow. Her voice, her style, her performance... everything about her is beyond phenomenal. Easily one of the biggest it girls of the 70s, she holds a high place in my list of biggest inspirations (right behind Anna Karina and Debbie Harry). 

Tall boots, twirly shawls, black lace, silky ruffles, and feathered hair. 

Stevie Nicks has often been called the "Reigning Queen of Rock 'n' Roll" for obvious reasons, and her music & style have been an inspiration to so many. Just a quick google search for "stevie nicks style inspiration" will yield thousands of results.

In order to make this a true Style Steal, I created several outfits on my polyvore account inspired by her! You can catch these below:

Stevie Nicks #1

Stevie Nicks #2

Stevie Nicks #3

Hope you're having a great start to March; if you can't tell by those outfit collages, I'm crossing my fingers for spring! x


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

In Search of the Real Possibilities

At the pivotal Hard Times Cafe
Hello everyone! How are you on this snowy Tuesday? 
It's been quite a while now, hasn't it? I wanted to update you guys on what I've been doing in my first year of University, but I realized that to do so would take a full novel! This post is going to be incredibly unorganized and full of random thoughts and pictures--kind of scatter brained--but that feels like the most effective way to communicate with you: the way I'm thinking and experiencing these things in the first place.

In my film class titled "On TV" we spend quite a bit of time learning about the different psychologies we can apply to film analysis (or in this case, Television analysis). One of my favorite topics has been the philosophies of Jacques Lacan. He hypothesized that humans have different levels of existence: the imaginary, the symbolic, and the real. The symbolic stage is that in which most of us live and thrive in; it represents the language we use to express ourselves and how it's simply symbolic and always lacks a full and complete expression.


(I have no idea what I would do w/o her!!)

Even though we run through most of our lives in the symbolic stage, the real stage is a place of true experience. It's where words fail completely. I've taken these theories into my own philosophy to help explain some aspects of my thinking I never quite understood. 

All my past thoughts, actions, desires, and experiences have been in pursuit of this "realness." Some sort of transcendent living that has to be achieved. While I'm not taking it so literally to Lacan's theories, I think it's comforting to have a goal (even if unachievable) to push myself out into the world.

In just the past 6 months I've experienced all that I hoped to experience coming to Minneapolis, and even so much more.

Most of my experiences have been centered around music. Going to shows, sitting in dorm rooms playing records, walking across campus to some uplifting beat. I've accidentally created a soundtrack to my college experience. I've been exposed to SO much great music I never would have even thought to listen to.

FKA Twigs was one of the most amazing experiences I've had this year (if not ever). I was in a really bad place before her show, and I almost didn't go because of how upset I was. But I went and it felt like something opened up in me and changed. I've never been to a show where the whole crowd just stands in awe, swaying in silence. I normally go to shows to dance and go insane... but this was different. She was like this transcendent human being.

(try to be as cute as we are, I dare you)

Over winter break I hadn't planned on getting a tattoo. I was driving my best friend/soul mate Tristan to the tattoo parlour, and after she got all her papers from the front desk, the information lady turned to me and said,"Are you getting a tattoo too, honey?" I decided then that I might as well go for it. I had planned on getting a quote on my upper left forearm for quite some time, but I had no idea what I wanted to get.

On my way to pick Tristan up, Rock & Roll by the Velvet Underground (from Loaded) came on shuffle on my phone. The Velvet Underground is my absolute favorite band; their music means so much to me. That song resonates so closely to me it's as if it were written from my thoughts. Lou Reed originally wrote the song about himself. He said that if it weren't for Rock & Roll music, he wouldn't have known that life existed outside his small town. It's not a literal life saving; it's a figurative, spiritual notion of opening up to what beauty life has to offer.

I knew I had to get that quote. There was no doubt in my mind.

The natural world has become really crucial to how I see myself now. I've always been fond of the outdoors, but it wasn't until leaving the suburbs and moving into a city that I've fully begun to appreciate its impact upon me.

These 3 people are what made my being home so special. I thought going home was going to be boring, and nothing spectacular would happen. I was wrong, and I have Tristan, Kasen, and Josh to thank for that.

Katie gifted me Alexa Chung's It as a Christmas gift, and the CD on the right is by the band DENNIS, which was started by someone I know through my school's radio station.

On the left: ~aesthetic~

On the right: an amazing trip to Woodfield mall I had over break

I think I've been nervous to post on here, or YouTube, or even Instagram sometimes based off of a conversation I had with my friends the other day. Even if we're passionate about something, the thought of failure may drive us to be fearful.

I think I'm done being fearful.