Tuesday, February 10, 2015

In Search of the Real Possibilities

At the pivotal Hard Times Cafe
Hello everyone! How are you on this snowy Tuesday? 
It's been quite a while now, hasn't it? I wanted to update you guys on what I've been doing in my first year of University, but I realized that to do so would take a full novel! This post is going to be incredibly unorganized and full of random thoughts and pictures--kind of scatter brained--but that feels like the most effective way to communicate with you: the way I'm thinking and experiencing these things in the first place.

In my film class titled "On TV" we spend quite a bit of time learning about the different psychologies we can apply to film analysis (or in this case, Television analysis). One of my favorite topics has been the philosophies of Jacques Lacan. He hypothesized that humans have different levels of existence: the imaginary, the symbolic, and the real. The symbolic stage is that in which most of us live and thrive in; it represents the language we use to express ourselves and how it's simply symbolic and always lacks a full and complete expression.


(I have no idea what I would do w/o her!!)

Even though we run through most of our lives in the symbolic stage, the real stage is a place of true experience. It's where words fail completely. I've taken these theories into my own philosophy to help explain some aspects of my thinking I never quite understood. 

All my past thoughts, actions, desires, and experiences have been in pursuit of this "realness." Some sort of transcendent living that has to be achieved. While I'm not taking it so literally to Lacan's theories, I think it's comforting to have a goal (even if unachievable) to push myself out into the world.

In just the past 6 months I've experienced all that I hoped to experience coming to Minneapolis, and even so much more.

Most of my experiences have been centered around music. Going to shows, sitting in dorm rooms playing records, walking across campus to some uplifting beat. I've accidentally created a soundtrack to my college experience. I've been exposed to SO much great music I never would have even thought to listen to.

FKA Twigs was one of the most amazing experiences I've had this year (if not ever). I was in a really bad place before her show, and I almost didn't go because of how upset I was. But I went and it felt like something opened up in me and changed. I've never been to a show where the whole crowd just stands in awe, swaying in silence. I normally go to shows to dance and go insane... but this was different. She was like this transcendent human being.

(try to be as cute as we are, I dare you)

Over winter break I hadn't planned on getting a tattoo. I was driving my best friend/soul mate Tristan to the tattoo parlour, and after she got all her papers from the front desk, the information lady turned to me and said,"Are you getting a tattoo too, honey?" I decided then that I might as well go for it. I had planned on getting a quote on my upper left forearm for quite some time, but I had no idea what I wanted to get.

On my way to pick Tristan up, Rock & Roll by the Velvet Underground (from Loaded) came on shuffle on my phone. The Velvet Underground is my absolute favorite band; their music means so much to me. That song resonates so closely to me it's as if it were written from my thoughts. Lou Reed originally wrote the song about himself. He said that if it weren't for Rock & Roll music, he wouldn't have known that life existed outside his small town. It's not a literal life saving; it's a figurative, spiritual notion of opening up to what beauty life has to offer.

I knew I had to get that quote. There was no doubt in my mind.

The natural world has become really crucial to how I see myself now. I've always been fond of the outdoors, but it wasn't until leaving the suburbs and moving into a city that I've fully begun to appreciate its impact upon me.

These 3 people are what made my being home so special. I thought going home was going to be boring, and nothing spectacular would happen. I was wrong, and I have Tristan, Kasen, and Josh to thank for that.

Katie gifted me Alexa Chung's It as a Christmas gift, and the CD on the right is by the band DENNIS, which was started by someone I know through my school's radio station.

On the left: ~aesthetic~

On the right: an amazing trip to Woodfield mall I had over break

I think I've been nervous to post on here, or YouTube, or even Instagram sometimes based off of a conversation I had with my friends the other day. Even if we're passionate about something, the thought of failure may drive us to be fearful.

I think I'm done being fearful.


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