I always struggle with introductions; for the longest time, I've always projected myself based on the expectations of the person(s) I'm introducing myself to. I have a difficult time writing because an inner dialogue feels implausible; without the another entity to form myself around, I lack the ability to find the correct words to say. Even though blog posts are directed at an audience, it really is an outlet of self-expression, which is difficult to do without a direct perceiver.
A lot of the culture that surrounds youth is focused on a sense of self, and finding that inner being should emanate that self beyond the constructed layers of conformity and security.
While I like the idea of using this as a means to search for yourself, I don't like the idea that it sets us up to believe that one day we have the ability to wholly reveal it and be completely fulfilled. Life experiences will always change us, and no possible method exists to counteract that. We are a summation of more than simply us. We are a summation of our past experiences, connections, love, and lost love, etc.
I've been thinking about devotion recently. I've spent the majority of my life devoting myself to outward entities; obsessions with books and interests, boys, friends, social acceptance. Rarely do you see someone with a devotion to herself. What would change if I was devoted to myself?
Diffraction is this crazy interesting concept in physics in which is powerhouse phenomenon called light diffracts--or slightly alters its path--around any perceived obstructions. Electromagnetic radiation (aka light) is insane to think about because it's what keeps everything together. Light is energy, and we are completely dependent on it for every single aspect in our lives. And even as it's traveling at 9.8 m/s^2 as this amazing necessity, it still alters itself when dealing with a problem. Somehow this is incredibly comforting to me: knowing that even the most powerful entities cannot break through all barriers unscathed.
With love
Megan
